The Weekly Roundup

It’s been a long time since I last did a Weekly Roundup.

I haven’t stopped watching movies- I just haven’t had time to write about them!

This Week's Watches

Kingsman: The Secret Service

Starring: Colin Firth, Samuel L. Jackson, Mark Strong, Taron Egerton & Michael Caine

Directed by: Matthew Vaughn

Rating: 0 stars

There are not many movies I stop watching after 10 minutes- Kingsman: The Secret Service is one of them.

Critics seem to love this film, and it made a shit tonne of money at the box office, but it is, without a doubt, one of the worst movies I have ever seen.

Take the world’s worst script, one of the world’s worst actors and put them into a film that has the world’s stupidest premise and one of the most detestable actor/characters you’ve ever seen as the young lead and you get the most offensive, sexist, awful, disgusting piece of shit I’ve seen in recent years.

Everyone and everything in this movie is bad- from Colin Firth’s continuing struggle to act to Taron Egerton’s punch worthy mechanical face to the relentless gore and complete contempt and hatred for humanity.

You know a film is bad when it’s written by people so far removed from the real world that they think we will like a character just because he comes from a council estate, joy rides and is a completely contemptuous shit. They obviously think nothing of the audience, and assume we are just as detestable and stupid as every single character in the film.

After having a stroke and then making X-Men: First Class, Matthew Vaughn must have suffered further brain damage- and so made this.

There isn’t much else I can say to explain my absolute abhorrence for this movie- it truly is one of the worst films I’ve ever seen- and as loyal readers will know, I’ve seen an awful lot of crap.

The Devil Wears Prada

Starring: Sir Meryl Streep, Anne Hathaway, Emily Blunt & Stanley Tucci

Directed by: David Frankel

Rating: ★★

Readers of this blog kept telling me to watch this movie, as they assumed I might like it.

They were wrong.

It’s not that I hated The Devil Wears Prada; it’s just that I found it pointless.

Nothing interesting happens in it, and, to me, it’s just a worse version of 80s films like Working Girl.

Anne Hathaway plays Andrea Sachs, a geek who turns chic when she starts working for Miranda Priestly (Streep), editor of a fashion magazine.

Predictable, dull, boring and obvious, the film was only on the radar because of Streep’s performance.

Anne Hathaway’s character- and acting- is really annoying, and Meryl Streep wipes her off the screen with an Academy Award nominated turn. Emily Blunt is also great in a supporting role, and even though we are meant to dislike her character I found her much more likeable than Anne Hathaway’s.

The film has strange mixed messages, but I guess is meant to be about ‘being yourself’ or something- and so the ‘Hollywood ending’ just makes the entire film worthless.

If you are a fan of fashion, Anne Hathaway, Meryl Streep or cheesy chick flicks, then this is for you- but definitely not for me.

Kiki’s Delivery Service (1989)

Starring (1997 English Dub): Kirsten Dunst, Phil Hartman, Tress MacNeille, Janeane Garofalo & Matthew Lawrence

Directed by: Hayao Mizyazaki

Rating: ★★★

There’s something so raw and different and authentic about Kiki’s Delivery Service that you just wouldn’t get if it had been made in Hollywood.

Adapted from a Japanese children’s story of the same name, the film is about a young teenage witch called Kiki (Dunst) who moves to a new city and sets up her own flying delivery service. Aided by her talking cat Jiji (Hartman), Kiki finds it hard to fit into a strange new world, but soon finds a job at a bakery run by Osono (MacNeille), and makes friends with painter Ursula (Garofalo) and Tombo (Lawrence), who is smitten with her.

Kiki’s Delivery Service is incredibly different from Western animation, mainly because it deals with mature themes in an innocent and adolescent way. The transition from child to adult is the main focus of the story, with Kiki trying to deal with her powers as she struggles to find her place in society.

Every character is likeable, and the animation looks great- especially when Kiki and Jiji ascend to dizzying heights on her broomstick.

Some of the themes are presumably lost in translation, as the story does not quite go the way one would expect, nor does it have a nice definitive conclusion.

The first half of the movie is very strong and emotive, but the narrative slightly wanes towards the end, as it becomes increasingly stark and surprisingly action packed.

The ending is weirdly downbeat, at least it was for me, but as I said before, some things are probably lost in translation, and may be hard to interpret into the English speaking world.

I just got upset about the cat.

Just like My Neighbor Totoro, there is something compellingly childlike and yet deep and serious about the film that really touched me quite profoundly.

Kiki is a genius creation, Jiji is a brilliant sidekick, and together they make an interesting and unique idea instantly watchable.

My Pick of the Week

Cake (2014)

Starring: Jennifer Aniston, Adrianna Barraza & Sam Worthington

Directed by: Daniel Barz

Rating: ★★★★

Jennifer Aniston as chronic pain sufferer Claire.

Cake seems to be a divisive film that people either really love or really hate.

I loved it. Not only is the story, script and directing incredibly strong, Jennifer Aniston’s performance as Claire is very good too- proving that she can in fact act a part other than the girl next door.  

Playing against type, dowdy Claire is a hateful, mean and spiteful chronic pain sufferer, who is verbally abusive to her carer Silvana (Barraza). Struggling to cope with the aftermath of a car accident and the death of someone in her therapy group, Claire begins to fixate on widower Roy (Worthington) as she contemplates suicide.

Cake is hard to watch, mainly because of Aniston’s strong portrayal of chronic pain. Her constant wincing and groaning portrays a seemingly realistic and unsettling version of what people with chronic pain must go through, but it is through her relationship with Silvana that she develops and grows.

We are taken on a journey that, much like some of the South American neo-realism movies that I am currently enjoying, come across as authentic and endearing, even though not much really 'happens' in the way of plot. it's all about character, which makes the film so watchable and heartbreaking.

The film leads up to a powerful emotional climax that is genuine and extremely moving. I thought it was brilliant.

I could see why this film is not for everyone, particularly those who don’t like Jennifer Aniston and/or think she can’t act. But I was blown away by Cake, mainly because I didn’t know what to expect- and was pleasantly surprised.